Tuesday, 20 September 2016
Nidhi"s Narative 20/9
Joe and his dog sat on a wet and cold rock. Joe has brown hair and blue eyes. He has a dog named poppy. Poppy has brown and black fur that swishes in the wind. The fur is soft and fluffy. Joe and his dog were sitting on a rock. They were staring out to sea. They looked at the waves crumble and hit the shore. Joe looked at the Island far far away. Suddenly a building crept out of the island.Joe was shocked. He looked beside him poppy was not there. When joe looked back into ocean,he saw poppy in the water paddling himself to the island.He panicked and yelled “ Poppy come back”. Joe saw a boat on the dock. So he ran and paddled to the island. On his way he met an eagle. He was hurt. Joe put the eagle inside the boat then kept on paddling. Finally they reached the island after an exhausting trip. Joe saw Poppy sitting underneath a palm tree. Poppy was shaking her fur to get the all the salt of her. Joe was really mad at her.Joe picked up the eagle and put it under the palm tree. Joe said to the dog “You are now coming home with me,no more moving around”. Joe turned around and saw that the boat was not there. It had floated out to sea. “Okay looks like we have to spend the night here”said Joe. In the morning Joe woke up to see that the eagle was not there. He didn’t bother to look for him. Poppy was barking really loudly. He was trying to show Joe something. Joe Walked over and on his way he saw a key. “This might be handy”whispered Joe. Poppy digged up a rope. Joe pulled the rope until it stopped. He followed the rope till the end. The rope lead underneath the sand. Joe moved the sand and there it was. It was a box. On top of the box it said something but it was really faint. So he opened the box and a swarm of flies came out.Poppy chased the flies out.In the box was a letter,sword,gun and a army suit. He opened the letter. It was a code 20473537.
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2016-writing
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I like how focused and
ReplyDeletewrite heaps because you used lots of punctuation
Next time use paragraphs
I liked how you told me what happen and you did full stops and capital letters
ReplyDeletenext time use paragraphs
I like how you used a lot of punctuation
ReplyDeleteNext time you should use paragraphs